Why staying in your own lane can help you and those around you
Staying in your own lane works both ways. We need to give each other the space to change and be the best version of ourselves and we need to set boundaries for those around us who may have resistance to us changing, while understanding the real reasons behind it.
Many people close to us attempt to stop us from making positive changes for a number of reasons, and most do it subconsciously. Even those who love us dearly do this, often without being completely aware.
Sometimes this is because those closest to us (such as a partner) feel threatened. They believe that if things change, if you change, you may not want them anymore, the relationship may change, you may want to be with someone else if you are a different version of yourself.
(Humans don’t like change, even though we thrive after it, an interesting dichotomy.)
These feelings are valid and real and the best thing we can do is reassure them of just how much we love them. It’s not a personal attack on us, it’s a desire for them not to be hurt.
Use this as an opportunity to love more deeply in your relationship and open communication. Often this leads to the partner getting “on board” with your goals, being part of them and being your biggest fan, as they always were.
This is a great opportunity for you to talk with your partner about your goals, the changes you wish to make, why you wish to make them, how they can help you and to make sure you understand their needs and how you can ensure they feel as secure as they deserve to feel.
Another way this can happen is with partners, family or close friends. Agan often subconsciously, those closest to us see our change and our ability to change as an offence to them.
Deep down this is an insecurity that while they are happy for you, it also shows some deep seated insecurities they have of themselves.
- Perhaps what you are doing is something they have wanted to do but they never have.
- Perhaps what you are doing is something they have attempted but didn’t follow through.
- Perhaps they want to make the changes and may need to, but don’t want to put in the effort. You actually doing it shows them their excuses are simply that, excuses!
- Perhaps they also feel if you change, the relationship will change and you won’t want to see them as much or won’t have as much to talk about, not as much in common.
Have a real conversation with the important people in your life and let them know the changes you are making are important to you and why. Let them know their behaviour is impacting you and your relationship.
Set boundaries if you need to and while creating a space for them to feel safe, let them know you being the best version of yourself will only serve to make you happy, ensuring a better relationship for everyone. That you would love their support, however if they feel they cannot do that, that’s ok with you, you will stay in your lane and do it anyway.
Sometimes partners,family and friends do this due to them reflecting their beliefs upon us in an effort to protect us. They don’t wish to see us hurt and the reason they have not achieved what they have wanted out of life is based on fear.
They have a set of beliefs and patterns that suggest things cannot be done, it’s too scary, they are not enough and so on. To make changes we cannot take on the negative belief of others, no matter how well intentioned.
They may be trying to help keep us safe, however this again is a perfect opportunity to have a real conversation about what is important to us and what boundaries you need to set.
This doesn’t mean you won’t see these people, it may mean however that you let them know they don’t need to agree with what you are doing, but if they cannot support you or if the topic brings up continual negative comments from them, then it’s a conversation you simply won’t have with them.
We don’t need to agree with each other, what an incredibly boring world that would be, we do need to respect each other’s life choices though, especially if the choices we make are positively impacting us and taking us further towards our goals.
Rarely, we see those close to us, simply not wanting us to better ourselves. Simply because of poor patterning in themselves, a control type of relationship or other negative traits. I find this to be rare, however if you do experience this, it’s incredibly important to distance yourself from those who genuinely don’t want the best for you.
One of the other components are those who are not overly close to us, but who have an opinion about everything and everyone. It’s important to recognise most often, these people are also not coming from a bad place, but are simply reflecting upon us their own set of limitations and negative beliefs. For these people, again, stay in your lane, thank them for their opinion, set and forget.
Staying in our own lane is incredibly important when we decide to make changes that will impact our lives. Changes that mean we become a better version of ourselves.
Understand that others close to you want the best for you, but in their desire to keep you close, may not be as supportive as you would like. A real conversation that does not involve conflict and understands that they simply want reassurance, love and understanding will go a long way to furthering any relationship and then returning that with support and love for you and your new choices.
In understanding the above scenarios, we can see any resistance to our change is not personal. Our only job is to ensure our intent is pure, we honour ourselves and we make the effort for those around us to feel safe and loved in these changes. Once people feel secure, very often their behaviour changes and we find our biggest supporters.
My belief is that we should be able to do whatever we want in life, as long as it does not hurt or harm anyone else, we need to be living our dreams and taking actions towards that. This is what staying in your lane means.
Do what you choose and allow others to do the same. In doing that we attract the right people for us, those who lift us, those we can lift and those who are like minded.
Stay in your lane.
Understanding why those around us may be doing what they are, takes the pressure off, allows us to remove doubt that comes from negative talk and reminds us, it’s not about us!
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